Shopping for Equality

The holiday shopping season is moments away and people who want to use their money to promote fairness and equality should be informed.

The Human Rights Campaign has a buyers' guide that grades retailers based on how supportive they are of gay and lesbian equality.

Surprisingly, Ambercrombie & Fitch scores an embarrassingly low 50%. And though the Religious Right has recently behaved as if Wal-Mart was changing its name to Queer Mart, WM actually only received a solid "D" (65%).

Stores and companies that do make the grade (between 80 and 100 percent) include Best Buy, Sears, KMart, Walgreens, Borders, Waldenbooks, Whole Foods Market, Costco, Staples, Home Depot, Save-A-Lot, Shaw's, Target, the Gap, Levi Straus, Nordstrom, Liz Claiborne, Macy's, Bloomingdale's, After Hours, On the Border, Chili's, Romano's Macaroni Grill, TGI Friday's, Boston Market, Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Coca-Cola products, General Mills foods, Kraft, Clorox, Pfizer, Johnson & Johnson, Microsoft, Walt Disney, BET, CBS, Logo, MTV, Starbucks, the New York Times, USA Today, Comcast, Verizon, American Airlines, US Airways, Delta, Southwest Airlines, Chevron, BP, Shell, Ford, General Motors, Volkswagon, Toyota, Subaru, UPS, Aetna, Kaiser Permanente, American Express, Bank of America, Capital One, Citibank, Fannie Mae, Merrill Lynch, Visa, Wachovia, Wells Fargo, Master Card, Discover, and more. In fact, there are about 138 companies that make the HRC's A/B Honor Roll. There is also a list of companies that are not yet as friendly to LBGT buyers.

There are billions of dollars in the LBGT community and even more money when you consider our friends and allies. This season, enjoy shopping and reward those companies that stand for fairness and inclusion. Let them know doing the right thing can actually be profitable.

For the HRC buyersguide, visit http://www.hrc.org/buyersguide/

Present Moment

When I left my condo this morning at 9 AM it was 52 degrees. Now at 2 PM it is up to 63. I have every window open, an oscillating fan blowing on "low," and enjoying the sunny, breezy, cool afternoon here in South Florida in late November.

I've taken most of the day off from work to take care of errands here at home in preparation for Thanksgiving. But even as I work to get our guest room actually guest-ready, I need to stop and notice the beautiful autumn (though still very green and sunny) day and just feel gratitude for my life.

I'm alive.
I'm alive here.
I'm alive now.
Right here. Right now. This moment. That's all that really is and if I'm not careful I'll miss it. So, I pause to be mindful of the moment I have, and when I do that I am naturally filled with wonder and gratitude and joy.

The holidays can be stressful and we all live increasingly busy lives. But there is always a moment just to be. Give yourself that moment; what else is there?

Prayer for Transgender Day of Remembrance

Dear God, why are people so threatened by transgender folk? How could we ever so dehumanize or demonize the "other" that we would feel compelled and justified to harm them? Transgender people are ridiculed, harassed, beaten, and even killed just for being "different." Have we not evolved beyond such violent intolerance? Is this who we really are as a species? How can there be so much hate, ignorance, fear, and rage just because someone's reality doensn't match our expectations of them? Why should expect anything?

So, God, I spend this moment to honor those brave transgender people who lost their lives simply because they found the courage to live their truth. I spend this moment hoping that those who mourn the loss of their transgendered loved ones will find comfort. I spend this moment praying for healing for our violent and all too often hate-filled world. I spend this moment asking for forgiveness for the times that I have done something that made things worse or failed to do something that might have made things better for transgender people. I spend this moment wishing for a world where every person can live safely with dignity and pride in harmony with all others.

When apathy, ignorance, privilege, or prejudice hurts others, may we stand up and speak out and be agents for positive change in our world. And on this Transgender Day of Remembrance, I affirm that all victims of hate and violence live on in your heart where there is only goodness, love, and light. Amen.

Wal Mart Becomes Gay Friendly; Next, Hell Freezes Over

I don't know what to think or how to feel. Wal Mart, often called "Sprawl Mart" because of its ginormous stores that seem to be ubiquitous has been an easy enough target of liberal ridicule. By offering non-union, non-benefit jobs to the working poor and savagely destroying the independent small business owner, WM was easy enough to view as a kind of retail monster - part of all that is wrong and ugly and in need of repair in our capitalistic society.

But now WM has decided to do a decent and courageous thing and is even taking some abuse for it. What's a left-leaning, self-respecting homo to do?

Wal Mart has intentionally increased its diversity program to include LBGT sensitivity. The company's definition of "immediate family" now includes same-sex partners. And earlier this year WM became involved with the National Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce. This clearly calls for a re-think of WM on my part.

A few warm gestures to their underpaid LBGT employees is not enough to make me fall completely in love with WM. But here's something that adds to the complexity of the issue: the Right Wing Religious Homophobes are now attacking Wal Mart for treating their gay employees a bit more fairly (or at least no more unfairly than their other employees).

Now, let's be clear. WM has not organized a march in favor of gay marriage. WM has not endorsed Barney Frank for president. Wal Mart just make a couple of nice gestures to their hard-working same-gender loving employees. That's all. In response, the Alabama Baptist State Convention, the Missouri Baptist Convention, the American Family Association, and Operation Rescue have all threatened Wal Mart with some form of boycott.

Admittedly, I'm a leftie, pinko, throwback to an age that still had utopian hopes. But I am continually stunned at the level of meanness that these "Christians" are capable of demonstrating. I guess they never considered that "love thy neighbor" might also include their gay neighbor. Hell, I don't even want their love. I'd settle for them just to keep their rabid hatred to themselves.

So, because WM has finally decided that its queer employees are actually human and deserve what little regard they offer their other employees, they now face the wrath of people who claim to love God and follow Jesus (much to the embarrassment of Jesus, I'm sure). This makes WM the victim of homophobia, and that makes me inclined to support them.

Gay Penguins Are Harmless; Homophobic Humans Are Not

You know what? Knowing that penguins might be gay won't make your children gay.

An Illinois school has recently encountered controversy because in its library there is a picture book based on a true story about two male penguins that "adopt" a fertilized egg and raise the chick as their own.

Why is this controversial?
One, gay people exist.
Two, apparently gay penguins exist.
Three, loving couples often want to share their love with children (or chicks as the case may be). It happens. Children won't be damaged by knowing that it happens.

Every love song on the radio is about heteronormative love and desire. Being inundated with this music has not made me straight, not even a little.

For most of my life, every happy couple on television was always made up of a man and a woman. Seeing all this straight love didn't make me straight, not even a little.

My parents are married to each other, and they are one man and one woman. Their life-long union didn't make me straight, not even a little.

If swimming in a sea of heterosexual images doesn't make gay people straight, why would any rational person think that a few gay islands in that see would make straight people gay? It seems that we simply are what we are, and a zillion heterosexual penguins won't change the gay kids, and I promise a single gay penguin couple won't change the straight kids, not even a little.

There's nothing wrong with being straight, or gay. And, there is nothing wrong with change. But who we are sexually seems pretty fixed, so maybe we can all relax. Being told I "should" be straight didn't change who I am. Being told it's "OK" to not be straight won't change who anyone else is. Though, messages of acceptance might help the gay kids not grow up to be self-loathing hypocrites and the straight kids not grow up to be gay-bashing bigots, and that might prove to be a very good thing for our world.

Gay penguins are harmless. Homophobic humans are not.

Remain Closeted and Celibate? No Thanks.

"The nation's Roman Catholic bishops, meeting in Baltimore, declared Tuesday that Catholics who minister to gays must firmly adhere to the church's teaching that same-sex attractions are 'disordered.' Catholics with 'a homosexual inclination' should be encouraged to live in chastity and discouraged from making 'general public announcements' about their sexual orientation, the bishops said." - Washington Post, November 15, 2006

The U.S. Catholic Bishops are trying to be welcoming of gay and lesbian persons even as they judge them to be disordered. But I don't think anyone will truly feel welcomed if they are told that who they are is innately flawed.

Whereas I am glad to see an attempt to soften rhetoric against same-gender loving Catholics and I realize that the institutional Church is a powerful and ancient entity that makes change difficult, I all the same regret that the Church remains unable to affirm the sacred value of its lesbian and gay members.

It is not pastoral to ask people to live closeted lives of loneliness and dishonesty. I continue to be grateful for all worshiping communities that affirm same-gender love as being part of the beautiful diversity of creation.

Religious homophobia is toxic to both our society and to the same-gender loving individuals it targets. I continue to believe and affirm that same-gender attraction is healthy, holy, and perfectly ordered as part of a vast and glorious universe full of amazing possibilities.

The bishops may claim to have the “true teachings,” but any truth that is a tool of oppression is not true enough.

It's Official: Marriage is Over

Done. Dead. Run its course.

I woke up this morning 40 years old and starting my new decade of life I find I am possessed of great wisdom all at once, and from the depth of my profound understanding I declare that marriage is passe, dead, yesterday's news, ancient history.

Not love. Love is still in good shape.
Not commitment. There will always be people who say to one another, "I like you and I'm happy being with you and I think we should be nice to each other and take care of each other from here on out."
But the heterosexist institution whereby a father "gives" his daughter to a man and the couple promises to cherish each other within the bonds of marriage until death or divorce on the grounds of infidelity or mental and/or physical cruelty separates them is through. Finished. "Wave your little hand and whisper so long dearie..."

I take no delight in this. I'm just noticing what is and naming it. I couldn't have predicted it. I didn't especially want it. I'm no better or worse off knowing that its true. But it is true. And this is how I know: Because we're going to the trouble of banning it for same-gender loving couples.

The institution of marriage apparently is so fragile, weak, sickly, terminal, that just knowing that gay people are engaging in it threatens the whole darn thing. The pope is begging countries to forbid it. People in congress want to pass laws against it. Many of our states have changed their constitutions so that it can't happen. If marriage is so weak that my having access to it would destroy it worldwide, then guess what, it's already over. I'm an ordained clergy person and available to conduct the funeral. Call me when you're ready.

I'm surprised, but there you are. Marriage is so unsteady that it can only survive if it belongs exclusively to straight people. It's a shame. I would have guessed it was healthier and more resilient than that, but apparently not.

Rest in peace, marriage. You had a good long run, but your day is done. We'll miss you. I'm sorry you went to your final reward before same-sex couples were able to taste and see what you had to offer. But if you were so sick that you couldn't withstand even the idea of two women or two men being admitted to your country club like status (restricted and exclusive), then you must have been in a lot of misery anyway. So, hopefully you are now out of pain and are enjoying beautiful harp music being played by angels.

I'm 40.
Marriage is dead.
And the world still keeps on turning.
Ain't that a kick in the butt?!