I’m a Minister, but By No Means a Puritan

A well meaning person (a relative actually) asked me an honest and heartfelt question on social media. He observes my sharing my life on social media (as one does) and he knows I’m a clergy person (he also knows that I’m gay but he didn’t bring that up). He wondered how it is that I, as faith leader, can swear and drink. He posted that question in response to something I shared (but did not write) that had a “four letter word” in it. Drinking was not mentioned in the post, but I suppose he has seen me posting at other times from bars, restaurants, parties, etc. A tea-totaler I am not. 

While his question struck me as having a tone of shame and blame, I nevertheless realized that my life doesn’t look austere or dour like a missionary character from an old movie. I haven’t taken a vow of celibacy, my legal spouse shares my gender identity, and I am often given the honor of being asked to make a toast at special events. My world is simply different from his, and I give him credit for asking a question. Here was my response to him:


If one begins with the assumption that spirituality is about what one is against or about what one must avoid or what one should condemn, then most clergy that I know will fall short of such Puritanical standards. But if clergy are voices for justice, builders of community, “peddlers of hope”, officiants of rites of passage, public intellectuals, and sharers of compassion in moments of need, then one won’t be to bothered by their swearing or enjoyment of cocktails or other “worldly” pleasures. In fact, it is possible that such outloud living is absolutely sacramental!

I’m an out and proud (non-celibate) gay man (a non-starter for most in the finger pointing, wrist slapping, glaring down their noses crowd). I am pro-choice, fought hard for marriage equality, am in favor of legalized marijuana, I believe war is rarely ever justified, humans are meant to be good stewards of the planet, we are to care for the poor, the sick, the refugee, and mostly, our spiritual traditions should encourage us to share joy, relieve suffering, work for justice, and empower people to live authentically.

I couldn’t care less how much one swears (as long as they do it well), who they have sex with (as long as everyone involved is a consenting adult and relationship covenants are honored), if people drink (unless they have an addiction, in which case, recovery programs are a god-send), or if they use the same vocabulary and texts and traditions that I do to discuss and honor the Sacred. The fundamentalism that was so prevalent in the world of my youth is not the tradition that I represent, but i do try to represent progressive spirituality as I understand and practice it as authentically and joyfully as possible.