RECOVERING FROM RELIGIOUS ABUSE

RECOVERING FROM RELIGIOUS ABUSE

A Durrell Discourse

In the Bible Belt, in various sects and cults, in “missional” and “evangelical” traditions…many of us were told we’d suffer for eternity if we didn’t ask Jesus to rescue us and take prominence in our lives. So, having no desire for eternal damnation, we said, “Jesus! Do please come into my life and do what you do to keep me out of hell!” We were told that God created hell and created the rules that we were bound to break that would land us in hell, but “loved” us so much that “he” (sic) gave us a loophole - Jesus. We bought it. And, we honestly loved Jesus, and we thought we loved God (though that dysfunctional, threatening, transactional setup isn’t really “love”).

But then, some of us discovered that our gender identity didn’t fit neatly into an arbitrary binary, and/or that our love and attractions were bigger than a false binary as well. Then suddenly, Jesus wasn’t enough. We were back on the track to hell! Now we needed Jesus AND self-loathing and the dishonesty of pretending to be straight (or cis). No wonder many of us turned to destructive behaviors or gave up on religion or never really learned to trust our friends or co-workers...no wonder we remained children in our families, or found ourselves irreconcilable with our families.

We were told God was out to get us but loved us enough to give us spiritual protection from God’s own plan but that protection was cancelled if we were attracted to people who peed like us. We were left with such a crazy making religious outlook or we felt forced to give up religion for the sake of our sanity.

Screw all of that! I won’t give up the joy of baby baptisms. I won’t give up the love feast at the open table where, regardless of belief or background we share a ritual reminding us of our unity and innate goodness (Eucharist). I won’t give up the beautiful singing of hymns (though some of the hymns I love are from Lady Gaga rather than Charles Wesley).

I will give up the homophobic and human sacrifice requiring God of my terrifying childhood, but I will not give up the search for the Sacred, an experience of the Ground of being, the ubiquitous and everlasting Love that is beyond every creed, scripture, and sacrament, that not only does not and cannot condemn me for living authentically, but is fully present in my life and love.

Embrace your authentic identity and reclaim and redefine your spirituality. As we used to say in earlier days: Gay by God, Proud by choice! Works for Bi, Trans, Queer, and Questioning folk, too.

We are each God’s miracle and not God’s mistake.

(Rev. Dr. Durrell Watkins, Senior Minister, Sunshine Cathedral)