I am what I am...which is a lot

I am Queer. I am on the gender continuum (two spirit). I am an Anglican Universalist Humanist New Thought Christian Pluralist. I am by both accident of birth and full participation an American citizen. I am fully human (this will be news to certain kinds of religious extremists and politicos). I am a person who benefits from unearned white privilege who is trying to dismantle racism (society's and my own). I am a person who has lived with HIV for decades. I am married and there are two Y chromosomes in my marriage. For some reason, TODAY, I felt the need to be crystal clear about all of that.

HIV: Memories & Hope

     It was the 1980s. I was in college. I was home for the holidays and met some of my old high school friends in a local bar. We hadn’t been “out” in high school (some of us were still sorting out our feelings and attractions) but we had each discovered and happily accepted our sexual orientation since graduation. It was great to be back home and together, living out loud as the people we were meant to be. Our level of connecting and sharing was richer, deeper, and more profound than it had ever been. Living in the power of truth has that effect, doesn’t it?

     During one of those heart to heart and soul to soul conversations that young adults like to have late at night in dark bars, I said to one of my friends, “I’m so scared of this AIDS stuff that’s out there. I don’t know what I would do if I got it.” Without missing a beat, my friend responded, “I have it.”

     I was devastated. It was more than concern for my friend, however. There was a level of terror that swept through my body as if I had been given the diagnosis. You see, it was the first time someone I knew had been diagnosed with the HIV virus. His self-disclosure made it all very real to me. If he could get it, anyone could. I could. It was no longer just a news story; it was as of that very moment part of my life.

    My friend was luckier than many in those early days. He went from nutritional therapies to monotherapies to combination therapies. He survived as treatments advanced. And when the day came for me to tell him that I had sero-converted, he was supportive, loving, and encouraging. He showed me that a diagnosis need not define us or steal our joy.

     One day many years later, my healthy, athletic old friend, who had proven that the human spirit is potentially indomitable, drowned while on vacation. After going toe to toe with HIV with remarkable success, an undercurrent at a Delaware beach is what ended his life. It seemed surreal. My grief was powerful and long-lasting.

     It’s a new year, and somehow this new beginning brought to mind these ancient memories, but the memories are accompanied by a sense of gratitude for the strides we’ve made in HIV care since those uncertain days. The memories also stir within me a hope that people will no longer contract HIV (it is preventable). I hope those who are HIV positive will become aware of their status and get life-saving treatment. I hope people will lovingly remember those we lost too soon. And I hope that HIV awareness and activism continue until all who are positive are liberated from shame and stigma, all who are HIV negative remain so, and at long last, a cure is found.

     AIDS isn’t over yet, but I still believe that it can be defeated if we will remain vigilant. May this new year be a happy and healthy one for all of us.

Rev. Dr. Durrell Watkins is the senior minister of the Sunshine Cathedral in Ft. Lauderdale

written for the Florida Agenda

Love is Good Medicine

Dr Durrell's Spiritual Prescriptions (a bi-monthly column in the Florida Agenda)

"Love is Good Medicine"

A young friend of mine recently tested positive for HIV. I was heartbroken. Of course I’m relieved that he got tested, that he knows his status, and that he is seeking treatment. And, I am confident that he will respond well to the treatment and will live a long, productive life. But I also know that care-free, medication-free days are a thing of the past for him. I know the life-saving medications might have inconvenient side-effects. I know that he will worry about who to tell and when to tell and how to tell about his HIV status, because even in 2015 people with HIV are still often stigmatized. My friend is single, and I know that revealing his status to prospective sexual partners might cause him some embarrassment, regret, and anxiety. And, I imagine that some people will back away from entering into intimacy with this beautiful, delightful young man because of his status.

In an age of PrEP and of effective treatments that can help most people manage their HIV, AIDS is not the all-consuming terror that it was in my young adult days. Consequently, we’ve let our guard down a bit, and some in our community have become a bit judgmental of those who seroconvert in this day and age. But the truth is that HIV has not yet been cured (I, for one, continue to hope and pray to see the day when a cure is found and made accessible to all people), and until HIV is cured, some will continue to get it. While I hope that people will be very careful in their romantic lives, I also hope we will remember that HIV isn’t something that anyone deserves. It isn’t bad karma or divine punishment. It is a virus and viruses tend to spread.

I don’t want anyone to get HIV ever again, but some will. And for those of us who are HIV positive, I don’t want any of us to ever give up hope for healthy, vibrant lives and I don’t want any of us to ever be ashamed of our health status or afraid that we are unlovable because of it. And because people still must live with HIV, I hope all of us will choose to be supportive, compassionate, and kind. Fear and condemnation didn’t do any good in the 80s and 90s when AIDS was ravishing our community, and fear and condemnation still won’t serve us well today.

The old slogan, “Hate HIV, not People with HIV” still rings true for me. HIV will one day be completely defeated, but until that glorious and miraculous day, let us remember to love ourselves and one another. Love is still good medicine, and it is still very much needed.

Rev. Dr. Durrell Watkins is the Senior Minister of Sunshine Cathedral in Fort Lauderdale.

Musings of a Gay Man in His Late 40s

The 80s and 90s were a difficult time for gay men. We lost so many beautiful, talented people to AIDS. Other communities suffering from other diseases would have been offered compassion. We were largely offered blame, shame, vilification, and rejection. It was a lonely, scary, and exciting and oddly hopeful time (when hope, even unreasonable hope, is all you have, you cling to it fiercely).

Now, HIV is largely treatable if detected in time (and if one can afford the treatment) and we know how to prevent its spread and we continue to hope for a cure. More people of influence are "out" as same-gender loving (or as allies to same-gender loving people). Marriage equality is a reality in many places and is an open discussion everywhere. Somehow, we changed the world; and some of us were lucky enough to survive while doing it. Today, I remember those who lost their lives in the struggle. I honor them. And I give thanks for the progress we've made even as I remain aware that there is still so much to do.

Durrell Watkins

More Than One Way to be Religious

More Than One Way to be Religious

WRITTEN BY REV. DR. DURRELL WATKINS

“Prophet” Cindy Jacobs recently declared that weather hazards and ecological problems are the result of divine wrath in response to presidential decisions. And without offering specifics, she prognosticated that more calamities are on the way. Of course, it’s a safe bet that something unhappy will happen somewhere. It doesn’t take a great psychic gift to make that guess!

Before this embarrassing statement suggesting that weather is caused by the gods and “bad” weather is the result of divine displeasure I had never heard of Ms. Jacobs, but I’ve heard her kind of blame, shame, and scare theology all too often.

I spend my life building religious community. I offer a message of hope and healing to help people navigate the chances and challenges of life. I try to affirm the sacred value of all people. I work to get people to stand up and speak out for peace, diversity, equality, and justice. That is, in my view, is religion's high purpose.

Religion gives us language and space to celebrate joys, face difficulties, and form human bonds that prove to be the cure for loneliness. Religion is not meant to increase our fears, strengthen our prejudices, or give us enemies to blame for the uncertainties of life.

Hurricanes, earthquakes, heat-waves, blizzards, and even terrorist attacks have all been blamed on liberals, pro-choice politicians, same-gender loving people, and whoever else rightwing extremists might name as the reason for misfortune that they insist is Heaven sent.

I remember at the beginning of the AIDS crisis some preachers claiming that the disease was God’s punishment against people who Christian fundamentalists found to be unworthy of respect or even tolerance. Almost as reprehensibly, many other clergy remained silent as people continued to suffer and die from the then little understood but clearly devastating disease.

I don’t know why anyone would choose to embrace an understanding of spirituality that suggests a deity will send disease or any disaster. Such petty instance that everything unpleasant is proof that a supreme being hates all the people they hate makes religion seem irrelevant and oppressive; it also makes representatives of religion seem more committed to hatred and bigotry than to enlightenment and progress.

As a representative of religion (progressive religion, but religion nevertheless), I very much resent that religion is so often misused and I wish to offer a better, kinder, more reasonable, and more useful understanding of faith.

It is the worst sort of opportunism to use tragedies as a means of promoting hatred and intolerance. The appropriate response to tragedy is compassion, not blame. The best use of religion in times of trouble is to offer comfort, not condemnation. And if we listen to the “better angels of our nature” we will affirm human dignity in the face of chaos rather than using chaos as a weapon to further dehumanize those we may not understand or like.

We are each entitled to our own understanding of the Sacred, of course. But I, as a religious person, will have no deity that would not bless same-gender love, that would send storms to punish many just to torment a few, or that would send rather than heal disease.

But thankfully, there are other understandings of the ultimate reality that many of us call “God.” Some of us believe, teach, and experience the divine as a comforting presence, an urge to do good, the capacity to love, forgive, and share, and a deep desire to bring peace, hope, and healing to all people.

We are each entitled to our own understandings, but I for one will always choose those that build up rather than tear down, that heal rather than hurt, and that affirm diversity rather than demand division. I just wanted another religious voice to be heard today.

Durrell Watkins holds sociology and theatre degrees from Henderson State University and Goddard College, respectively, as well as a Master of Divinity degree from Union Theological Seminary and a Doctor of Ministry degree from the Episcopal Divinity School. He is the author of Wrestling with God without Getting Pinned: Old Stories, New Thoughts, & Progressive Spirituality (Outskirts Press, available at Amazon.com), and is the Senior Pastor of the Sunshine Cathedral in Fort Lauderdale (www.sunshinecathedral.org).

Prayer for World AIDS Day

PRAYER FOR WORLD AIDS DAY
by Rev. Dr. Durrell Watkins

Eternal Source of All Life,
On the occasion of World AIDS Day we pause to remember those who were taken from us too soon by a virus that has taken far too many.

We pause to honor those who have been living with HIV for decades and we give thanks that they are still with us; we also wish them many more years of good health and abundant happiness.

We pause to think of those who have been living with HIV for only a few years, months, weeks, or days. We pray for them to have access to the best possible health care, and we pray that they respond well to the treatments that are available.

We pause to consider those who are not HIV positive and to wish them well; may they take special care to keep themselves always safe.

We pause to bless those who have lost loved ones to HIV/AIDS or who have been in any way impacted by HIV; we give thanks for the ways that they may be comforted.

We pause to give thanks for those who continue to care for people with HIV, who work to find better treatments, vaccines, and even a cure, who work to make good health care more affordable and more accessible, and who work to educate the public about the issue.

We pause to recall that AIDS is still with us, and while it is with us we all have AIDS, if not in our bodies, in our compassionate hearts; and so we pray for healing and we commit to pray always for healing until the miraculous day that HIV/AIDS is only a memory.
Amen.