Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Fat As I Am

Wasn't it Sophie Tucker who sang, "I don't want to get thin; you can laugh and you can grin but I'm doing very well the way I am"? Oh for such self confidence!

And didn't Mae West in mid-life and full figured just know that she was sex walking! Oh for such self assurance!

And wasn't it Bette Midler who made fun of herself by singing, "Fat as I am, who wants to see a diva fat as I am..."? How wonderful to laugh at one's foibles rather than taking them too seriously.

Well, here I am, weeks away from 40 and for the first time in life I've passed the 200# mark on the hateful, satanic scales of scorn. Every photographic image of myself, every mirror reflection, every bathroom scale, every pair of pants that fit me only two months ago that now serve only to cut me in half as I try to zip them up all remind me that I'm starting on the back 9 and I may need a cart to finish!

Oh, I swear that I will get to the gym or take a pilates class or sit on a cushion and meditate the lbs away. But mostly, I drink another soda (never diet) and prepare for the next Star Trek rerun on TV. After all, Captain Kirk is quite corpulent these days too. At least I have my hair, though the same mirror that shows my Santa belly and double chin also demonstrates that my luxurious hair is as a grey as a mule's. Can I please catch a break?! Though, at this point I couldn't even catch a frisbee (not that I would bother to try).

Maybe this is what middle age is like. I keep hearing that 60 is the new 40, so why does 40 look like the old 60?! It isn't fair.

Maybe I'll get to the gym. Maybe I'll will away the poundage and release the svelte inner 'mo that longs to re-emerge. Or, maybe I'll channel the spirit of Sophie and decide that I'm doing very well the way I am. I think that may be the answer. My new resolution is to have the attitude of Ruth Brown, who sings, "Now look at this nice bottom, ain't it easy on the eyes, guaranteed to support any weight or size!" Or in the words of a song from that fun musical, WHEN PIGS FLY, "Put on a few its not so bad, your man will learn to love it; I have all I ever had - in fact I have a lot more of it."

Yes, there are reasons to get back in the gym and work on being healthier. But I can be happy with who I am right now. At any size, at any age, I'm a damn good person. Now I feel fantastic! I think I'll celebrate with a pizza. Hey! Who are you to judge?! I'm doing very well the way I am!!!


Pastor Peters said...

More than very well, I would say Reve. Canon Durrell! I said it on the phone. I'll say it again. YOU'RE NOT FAT! You are quite the sexpot, me'dear.

Anonymous said...

Back 9? Needing a cart? You've been in Florida three months and you're already using golf metaphors. This is more distressing than any amount of chub.

But still, having preceeded you in turning 40, I can't say as I find it all that awful as long as Clairol and L'Oreal keep churning out the hair dyes. Moreover, the sooner everyone thinks you're an old coot, the sooner you can say whatever you want to whoever you want and have it considered merely eccentric. Also in your dotage it can be somewhat charming (if not at all attractive) to lech on the young and succulent.

Hmmm...I seem to have damned middle age with the faintest of praise. I'll go get a curly perm and some gold house shoes now.